STRUGGLING IS A BIG WORD

im tired of driving sane sini -,- seriously makes me bored. so ive been struggling in my mind on how am i guin to keep myself fresh soon when i hv to drive away to college tht takes bout 20 mins

-,- . the point is its a straight long road. i mean from bangi to ptrajaya also u cn feel hw much boring and along way STRAIGHT. and i hv to be on time and put my head up to drive away to cyberjaya. im nt cmplaining in other way, it just tht im scared ill gt sleepy when driving. HOPE NOT. imagine, pagi pagi buta u already on the road to cyber, its a fresh sleepy mouning. fyi im nt a mouning type so it kills me to wake up so early -,- duhh the last time i wke up early was the last day of school. haha. so just hoping im nt gonna get sleepy and crash O-O daym! tht is scary wuuuu~

*dear god, please avoid me from disaster, i want to live . i want to finish my studies w flying colours, i want to work n make my own money,i want to chase dream,i want to make mum&dad proud, and oh oh i want to hve kids :) cute kids :) so please god. im begging you.amin~

ILOVEYOU F :)

so today was a blast! :) finally got a chance to spend plenty of time w family tercinta , auuuwww :8) , has been a long time since we went out shopping togetha getha gahhh really miss tht :') we went to klcc and off to mid~ . i mean nthing would be more fun than shopping w them:) GAHHHH, SUKA SUKA TODAY hihi. so i bought some incredible stuff :) and yeah we all bought things. so geez thts all fr today i guess. mybe the next post would be more intrsting ayu? humm whatt? this is more than intrsting okayy. spending time w ur fams is so cool *thumbs up ayu thumbs up! :D

POSSESSED

so yeahh today is holiday fr the students and pple who work. as fr me ive been in holiday since january. gahh not too thrill bout holidays anymore,turn to boredem i guess. got nthing to do -,-

im away to collge this 26 july, god ive like 2 more months of hols.holiday holiday holiday and oh guess wht ? another HOLIDAY , u cn see how dsperate i am rite now . haaaa. oh i sort of freak out last night by this

believe it? duhhhhh dnt ask me , im -________-

try to open utube and discovered this. they are lots of songs and vids tht already worship satan, rihanna the worst.try to open video clip 'disturbia' and 'umbrella' and u'll be shock by the hidden message of her songs and video clips.and yeah try search fr 'backward songs hidden messages'.

many of these pple are worship them in silent.

humm , daym this is scary.

PAGI INI

got the blog bckground thru yazmin yusoff, gahhhhhh trima kasih yazmin drlingg :P GAHAHA

KACANG PEAS

so whts in my mind ? lets talk bout LOVE gahhhh , romantic ? nahhhh eeeuuwww say no to tht ! would prefer a jackass :p other than tht ayu please? humm let see, how bout 'the fake friends' shall we? okay lemme start first :) fake friends also stndup fr 'bff' (best faker friend) the word fake itself is huge, here we got hypocrite,copycat,liar,biatch(not a suitable word fr children under age 20, erkk) . guess evry prson got pple tht they hate or dislike or mybe pretend to like, i admit i do hve fake friends. im nt usually close w them . so thts fine. hee boring pulak ckap pasal ni

-,- no more idea for bff, haha . move on pple------->

like to say tht OHHHH

IM ON MY WAY TO BELIEVINGG ~

got the lyrics frm paramore the only exception , the truth im nt even close to believe , im so far away back . gahhh even i cant see the word believing , but then im satisfied by it . im glad i dnt hv the guts to believe :) IT FEELS GREAT.. in a diff way

the truth again pple,

IM LOSTTTT. PRETTY MUCH IT. thts why im crapping around. you cn see it aite?

duhhhh do not blame me, i hve a lil brain damage-,- need to fix me.

well thts it. byebye people ,byebye BIATCH :) *BAD WORD AYUU ,BAD !

SAJE BUSAN , -,-

i need someone who hs the guts to take care of me, someone who is gntlement enuff, matured enuff to knw whts right and whts not. i want him as a simple man . not like a huu-haaa type. i dn want someone who gt involve with '''''''''' these kind of guys cant even take care of their own. i want someone who cn tell me truth, alwys being honest and knows how to treat a girl. im nt looking fr a rich or popular or how hndsome he is. i need someone tht is perfect in my eyes, thts all i can ask.

:)

TICKING

i need my soul back. guin to close this chpter and strt a fresh one, yeahhh thts pretty much wht i cn dscribe now.need to chnge myself to smthing tht pple would respect me more .im bored and tired to be the same .a diff ayu with a diff new life, means tht i wnt to achieve smthing tht cn make my mum&dad proud. theres nthing i would be proud of to do. so im guin to start learn a lil bit bout communication, at least once im away to college i already got the basic in mscom so i wont get too shock learning the sbject. duhh did i tell you i hv to drive 20 mins from home to college. so guess go and back would be total up of 40 mins, humm not bad huh? well at least no jam and no tol . ill be fine by tht .oh im so pissed jst nw with my dad-,- grr i hate him jst fr awhile, he acted as if he doesnt trust me anymore, i went to jog jst nw and sddnly he got mad and told me tht im not telling him the truth, he said 'jogging ape skrg ni ? da ada kete asyik kua je! da blik!' EHEM EXCUSE ME DADDY , IT WAS 6 PM IN THE EVENING , WHT DO U ASPECT? AND SLALU KELUAR, WHEN ? BILAAAA? GEZZZZ SAKIT HATIII ! so tht was like 1/2 of our drama, -,- why he didnt trust me? im being honest, geez sedih gila mcm ni :( huhh. whteva la daddy. up to you. so nw i wont go out fr like a week.HAD ENUFF WITH YOUR WORD DADDY. humm well bye.

HYPER

im goofieee woooaahhhh @,@

geez wht happen to this little fat ayu? she's having a mental problem. OH MY poor ayu poor ayu. gahhh ,friends please come and join me to snway lagoon :) PLEASEE *shinning eyes.im bored since got nthing to do ,lets fly awayyy wuuuuuu and no turning back please ? lets go straight ahead :) lets dance lets sing along OH HALIMAH JONGANG~ JONGANG JONGANG~ wht the? -,- see this is wht happen when i get 'goofiee' too much. currently in baju kurung just gt back from cousin's wedd ,and next week mybe head off to terngganu , YES finally can get away fr a while . then my dad ask me to drive his car along to trgganu, INSANE ENUFF? but daddy did you see hw big ur car is o,O

im sorry daddy, i cant drive it. grrr, so guess thts pretty much fr today ,

saturday,22 may .

GONE CRAZY

today i hd lots of fun, mcm ber bundle-bundle of FUN :) and i really wnt to say thnks guys fr cheer up my day. feeling a lil better :) . we went to swim and off to wallclimbing clebrated putri's brthday ! happy birthday drling:). so HEY PEOPLE IM HAPPY FOR NOW ! great news fr me right?:) if u notice smthing i already put four smiles and this is the fifth one :) ,and :) and :) (G)

GEEZ AYU ARE YOU REALLY OKAY? ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY?

errrr,

yes *fake smile

DUHH IM HAPPY WHEN IM WITH THEM ,

BUT NOW U DONT =___=

so guess im back being like ':(' AGAIN,

GOODBYE READERS, OFF TO FLAT FACE AGAIN -_____-

I WILL

pple often say tht im alwys like this. i like to make things more cmplicated, tell u the truth im jst too scared. and smtimes i even cant get the fact tht im like this. they already getting tired to hear me saying 'i had enuff, i dnt trust pple, no more guy in my life' and then tadaaa here's ayu with her new one. annoying enuff? yes i knw , i gt annoyed by myself too. cant help it. but seriously guys today i really had enuff. i mean ENUFF . im nt gonna lie to you again, mybe u might say this is jst my talk but i will mke sure tht i keep my word.im dissapointed with them and this dissapointmnt wont get me anywhere again. im finish guys, i cant deal with it anymore:( sorry,

IF

kalaulah semua boleh jadi indah, kalaulah kita boleh jadi gembira ,kalaulah semua boleh jadi sperti apa yang kita impikan, kalaulah dunia ini ada didalam genggaman kita, kalau la kita kuat untuk mengharungi lintasan lintasan yg mungkin membakar diri kita,kalaulah kawan sejati itu wujud,kalaulah kita dapat senyum untuk selama lamanya, kalaulah perkataan masalah itu tidak pernah wujud,kalaulah kita redha dgn apa yg trjadi,kalaulah kita snggup terima dugaan, kalaula kita boleh melepaskn org yg tersayang, kalaulah kita hebat, kalaulah kita boleh melihat masa depan,kalaulah kita boleh mengubah diri kita yg kian sudah jatuh ini,kalaulah kita boleh menghargai seseorg,kalaulah dunia ini tidak ada penghujungnya,kalaulah kita boleh disatukan lagi,kalaula masa boleh di undurkan,kalau lah sempat kita memeluk org yang sudah tiada,kalaulah kita jmpa cinta sejati,kalaulah kita berjaya hidup dan akhirat,kalaulah kita boleh myelesaikn masalah,kalaulah semua ini bleh brlaku.kalaulah.

ayu adila,

:(

18

maybe i know somewhere

deep in my soul

that love never lasts

and we've got to find other ways

to make it alone

keep a straight face

and i've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance

and up until now i had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

because none of it was ever worth the risk

WASTING TIME

i had enuff and im done . im nt gonna make myself like this anymore. enuff is enuff.close this chpter and strt to write a new one. im tired being clueless . fr today onwards i promise to myself tht im not gonna easilly letting a stranger come into my life. friends is the best reltionship i cn go. others im nt gonna give a daym. so goodbye lover , and hello friends .

CAN I GO BACK TO SCHOOL?

I NEED TO IMPROVE MY ENGLISH SO DAYM BAD , O__O

MY ENGLISH SUCKS .GEEZ CAN SOMEONE TEACH ME PLEASE? LIKE IN THE SCHOOL ? GAHAAAAAA NUTS ALREADY

DEEP IN MY HEART

so guess im gonna strt writing like theres no tomorrw huh. feel like putting all up in here .okay so here it goes.

its bout my life thou,since this is my blog . im not feeling anything. i dnt knw whts up with me lately ,i make pple hurt and seriously i didnt mean tht to happen. mybe i shud just stay by my own. i do need pple around me but wht the use if i hurt them. it sucks to feel this way. plus,im nt tht ready to step in the world tht im nt even used to, *college life of course,* i dnt knw whether im guin to fit in and i really hope i cn make my dad&mum proud. ill let them down once and thts the first and the last. i hope. deep down im scared to death. but then i dnt knw wht makes me so scared ,maybe cause im nt pretty sure wht's up next. am i guin to success like others? am i guin to meet the one? am i guin to do the best out of me? this kind of things really makes me in dilema.and i hate to cross it. sometimes i wish i cn be a bird where i cn fly anytime anywhere tht i want to. go some places in one time . feel the wind blows and feel like the world belongs to me. but im nt a bird. im a human being, im a person who really need to fix herself up and explore things more. there alwys ups and downs in life.in order to succeed i hve to cross this all up by my own. crossing the ups part seems easy but the downs one tht smtimes makes me wanna kill myself. i hve to be strong ,yes i know. so thts why im trying my best to try to overcalm whts cuming towrds me soon. then i got problem with believing, i cant really put a trust on smeone's shoulder, i only trust myself. i get so fragile when it comes to this. the one prson tht i hardly put my trust on is my 'one' if you knw wht i mean. but fr the time being i belong to me,but in the past i had someone who i thot the right one. but then its nt working. and the word 'trust' involve in us,im trully sorry. so now i dn feel anything. i even dnt knw how to express me.i am the same prson dnt wrry . if you meet me i cn make u laugh,i cn make pple happy but i cant make the same to myself.mybe i need pple to do tht favor fr me i guess. and yes they did. my family my friends, thnks so much fr evrything. i love you guys. so guess u already tired and bored reading huh. so imma guin to stop fr a while, thnks fr reading.

WELL DONE

hello stranger, are u a stalker ? if you are then congratulation you're the biggest jerk :)

hello friends, do you read my blog? if you are then congratulation i heart you :)

hello enemies, stalk me enuff? if you are then congratulation you are total desperate:)

WHAT'S NEW AYU?

hello pple im back again, srry fr 'not updating my blog' gezz do u really care bout tht? gaha.guess not hah. well move onnn. so i jst cme back from aussie , i went there fr one week to date with umar idraki :') grr he's so cute ! wish i cn kdnaped him and put in my bag then fly to mlysia ,stay by my side forever drling . GOSH GILA KE AYU NI? yes, indeed. i miss him so much. die da besa, cumel gitu,awww terpikat hati ini :8) . so i really hd lots of fun stying there thou its freezing . 6 celcius, *dalam peti sejuk enuff?* haha imagine tht. and the worst part is tht i frgot to bring along my jacket , so i ws like,AM I GUIN TO FREEZE TO DEATH? ,to avoid me from dying (?) i bought a sweater,so im safe :) GEYHIEE. got lots of pictures tht i took , pretty one. but then i hv no mood to upload them all up in here so guess u cn open up my fb or ms to see half of the pictures :) and also u cn see umar's picture too ! 'cumel kan dia?cumel kan?:p' GAHAHA. OH im getting fatter , again ayu? yes,wht to do:( i ate alot kt aust cause sejuk kn. so mcm alwys wanna eat all the time. hunger fr food . grr. so i need to wrkout again. need to loose weight pple ! :) oh i msuk blaja this 26 july. gosh i got like 2 months and the half more. wht shud i do? but ive been thinking bout this, since im guin to college's life, so i need to appear as the 'new ayu' the more good stuff :) .so mybe ill try to slim down ! thts my aim! haha! i have too, its a NEED. so to all my fellow friends who r guin to step on to ur collge life i wish you all the best. work hard alrite and most imprtant part is DO NOT FORGET ME. i repeat DO NOT FORGET ME .haha :)

im single again. gosh, i dnt knw whether im happy or sad or empty,all i can say is

im sorry fr making you like this,seriously i didnt mean to. its nt tht i dn love you. its bcause we're different. and i cant deal with tht. i jst want you to be hnest with me but then its nt working. i do give you a change but i dn believe in second change and fr tht im trully sorry. i knw deep down u didnt mean to lie , i knw u are one great guy . but fr the time being im nt ready to face up another lie again. humm, i hope we cn be friend like we used to, im sorry.

be moreofwhat?

evrything tht i wish fr need to come true. its a NEED. selfish enuff? YES I AM.

HAD ENUFF

i hve no mood to ask you fr a hangout again. duhh, i want it too, but i just too mad at you, so guess im gonna let my mood swing me away fr a while. lets go watch movie , shall we? no 'we' anymore.let me go alone. it will be soo much better &*^*%$#&#@&$%)^)_&^

HIHI

to my dear aqila , i wish you all the best fr your college life. dn wrry bout anything okay? just call me and ill be there fr you. i promise tht :) since ur college pun dekt je kan. hihi. stdy hard okay ? i love you dear friend .

LOVELETTER

only two more days to go 'darling umar, here i come dear , once i see you ill hug you like there is no tmorrow dear , i miss you so much' fly over letter ~ fly away to umar~ geyhieee :)

GOODMOUUNING :p

its my mrning post dude :)i feel soo much better cmpared to last night. thinking bout all the problem really gimme the headache,fuhhh glad tht's over, ayu WOW how come u getup so early ? well let me tell you , em em noth-iing actually . i jst accidently wakeup early, strange err.ada hikmah ke? ade tak? haha. stop it. WELL ill tell you why i wokeup early, 12 in the noon cnsidered as early ayu? YES , haha. im nt usually a mrning type of prson. 2 pm is my daily wake, i knw its a lil bit too much but i cant help it. drop dead bila tidur. *ape nii?. haha move on pple , actually he alwys wakeme up evry mrning , he would call like 8 in the mrning and wish 'good morning syg' isn't he so sweet? :) then i was like 'membutaaa-___-' evrytime he would call me like 3 times jst to wake me up. haha kesian syg i sorg ni ? :) , srry dear but thts wht i love bout you. you care alot bout me . i love you , geyhieee :8) so now u knw why i wake early in the mrning right? cool.currntly im alone, nobdy home , WHERE THE HELL IS MY MUM? your daughter tgah lapa niii :( . please come home and bring along food mummy :) im craving , lol.so wht's the plan today? mybe go and hngout at qila's .you wait there okay drling , later ill come then we cn strt gossiping, really ayu? nahh, just kiddin. *fake face xp . so imma head to shower nw. assalamualaikum pple, :)

im sad :( i want my daddy . HUM.

LUST

i know you're in love with ur man. ur man is like the ocean in ur heart. ur breath,ur evrything. i know how it feel to be in love. but did it matter if u dump your friend because of him? answer me. do you willing to break our friendship fr the sake of him? 'i love him ,and i dn want to hurt him' but then wht bout me? do i even important in ur life? i were right, jst before ur man showed up. then im nothing to you. am i still cnsider as ur bestfriend? tell me. i miss us, i miss hanging out with you. 'he dont let me go out without him' . so he's like ur hsband nw huh? come on la, guin out with ur friends is nt even a crime. after all this time u were okay hgingout with us. imagine if i fall down and also ur byfriend, which one would you save first? pening(?) well duh no need to answer. whtever it is i still love you dear friend, and i alwys be there whenever u need me .humm. goodbye.

:)

sayang, this song is for you , i love you :')

(!) :)

hello people , im bored . BAHAHA why the earth im laughing? (!) whotevahh xp , u may say tht i like to repeat the word 'bored' almost in evry post there alwys hve the B word. haaaa mybe thts the only word tht cn dscribe my life fr nw i guess. actually am nt tht bored ,(pelik?) okay, putar-balik betul ayat, err hahaha cnfuse enuff? alrite ,let me explain pple . wht im trying to say is tht i am bored cause i dn hve idea wht to do fr like 2 more months, i dn own a job and eventually i dnt knw wht to do-_-. so thts my biggest prob . and the side word of 'am not tht bored' is actually stands fr i am nt bored fr i hve my family,byfriend,and my darlings besides me. so u get me? ill bet u do nw huh :) good then! so evrytime i feel bored i write, or calling pple and make them annoyed:p yes i like to dsturb crtain pple when im bored. dn get mad drlings, i love you thts why i dsturb you :'D geyhieeeeeee kiss kiss muah muahh. (?) I MISS ANUAR :) acehhhhh finally sebut pun nama dia :) anuar is my budak gedik i pnggil dia .ape sebab? well lets keep it a secret okayy. GAHAHA.anuar my darling I LOVE YOU . and please dnt let me down okay syg:) maii maiii 'like' same same , :P . SO move on pple, crrntly its 1.22 am and im bored, AGAIN AYU? yeahh haha sure nt bored by the word 'bored' err. humm i miss hazimah too, finally she decided to stdy in kl :) yeahhh boleh jumpa rinduuuuuuu . wht bout me? STILL nt sure yet,where to go ? where to go? lets go iceskating pple ! this wed? jummm. i hv trnsport but tong tong minyak okay drlings :) text me alrite? soo guess thts all the crap guys. :) BUHBYEEE